HOW TO DIFFERENTIATE LOVE AND LUST

Often times, life will throw us into confusion on how to differentiate between LOVE and LUST. This will tell us the little difference between the two. It will save us from the heat break because we will be able to read the mind from the character. 

We will start from love. Scripture reading 1 cor 13:4-8

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud

or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.

 It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.

 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

 Love will last forever, but prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will all disappear.

Love.

It can wait.it doesn't always in hurry. It always give other time to conclude. 

Kind, feel for others, it's concerned about the way others feel. Concern if everything is alright with others

It not jealous; it allows other to exchange pleasantries with opposite sex without feeling bad. He/she have confidence and trust. 

It's accept you as you are; it accept your fault, your error and give you time to adjust and also help you in the areas he/she can

It's not easily provoked; he tolerates the other, not easily angered. It gives rooms for peace.

Not selfish; it's not after mine alone, all his/her desire is we no I. He/she is always after our welfare not my, my alone

Self control; he/she have self control, not let do it now. He/she can control her urge, desire. 

Hate immoral; doesn't delight in doing the right. All the intentions is to do the right. To have a good record. 

Contented; he/she is owk with what is available, not seeking to acquire it all irrespective the hazard or what it will ccause    

Honesty: he/she is always sincere at all cost. If he/she says his/her yes remains even in many years and in all situations 

It doesn't die; when things goes sur and tough the he/she will still be there and stand in support. 

LUST

This is another feeling that is similarly to love that if you are not careful you will mistake it to love. But though it have its differences. 

Let us see 2 Samuel 13:1-15

 David's son Absalom had a beautiful sister named Tamar. And Amnon, her half brother, fell desperately in love with her.

Amnon became so obsessed with Tamar that he became ill. She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible that he could ever fulfill his love for her.

 Now Amnon had a very crafty friend--his cousin Jonadab. He was the son of David's brother Shimea.

One day Jonadab said to Amnon, "What's the trouble? Why should the son of a king look so dejected morning after morning?" So Amnon told him, "I am in love with Tamar, Absalom's sister."

"Well," Jonadab said, "I'll tell you what to do. Go back to bed and pretend you are sick. When your father comes to see you, ask him to let Tamar come and prepare some food for you. Tell him you'll feel better if she feeds you."

 So Amnon pretended to be sick. And when the king came to see him, Amnon asked him, "Please let Tamar come to take care of me and cook something for me to eat."

So David agreed and sent Tamar to Amnon's house to prepare some food for him.

When Tamar arrived at Amnon's house, she went to the room where he was lying down so he could watch her mix some dough. Then she baked some special bread for him.

But when she set the serving tray before him, he refused to eat. "Everyone get out of here," Amnon told his servants. So they all left.

Then he said to Tamar, "Now bring the food into my bedroom and feed it to me here." So Tamar took it to him.

But as she was feeding him, he grabbed her and demanded, "Come to bed with me, my darling sister."

"No, my brother!" she cried. "Don't be foolish! Don't do this to me! You know what a serious crime it is to do such a thing in Israel.

 Where could I go in my shame? And you would be called one of the greatest fools in Israel. Please, just speak to the king about it, and he will let you marry me."

But Amnon wouldn't listen to her, and since he was stronger than she was, he raped her.

 Then suddenly Amnon's love turned to hate, and he hated her even more than he had loved her. "Get out of here!" he snarled at her.

In hurry; he/always want it now now. No time. And as soon as it get it, it disappears just like the above passage. 

Very rude; He/She is always harsh, doesn't show act of remorse or respect. 

Very jealous; he/she always very possessive. Feel talking seeing you talking/chatting or even exchanging pleasantries with an opposite sex. Seeing you standing with opposite sex seems to him/her that you have slept with him/her. 

It want change; He doesn't accept you the way you are, he/she want you to be the way he/she want just to suit her/his desire. 

Easily angered; Always angry over little things. Even your little mistake looks like slap or like insult to him/her. If you mistakenly stepped on him/her you are gone. 

It very selfish; always want his/her own without minding about other. Doesn't care if other are in favour no it doesn't matter so far he/she is good. 

Lack of self control; too loose to everything. Always want it immediately, hardly hold his/her urge. 

It is immoral; always pleased with committing sin. All time in his/her thoughts is one bad thing or the other

Seek material things; always demanding give me this and that. Alway want to acquire everything. Just to gain all things and live

Dishonest in act; can never be sincere in all he/she does. In fact he/her good morning will always be verified.He/she lies to get all he/she want. 

Die easily; it does not withstand the test of time, just little trial or hard time it's gone

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SIDE CHICK MATTER

 

Why do some men prefer the side chick than the front chick(wife) ?

For some times now we have heard so many times a man will be sent to early grave because of side chick. Women will be turned to emergency widow and children turned to emergency fatherless because of the side chick. 

The question here is what is the special thing about the side chick that the front chick didn't have? 

The front chick may not look like the side chick. No doubt, absolutely you are right. The front chick didn't have flat Tommy, pointed breast, curved bum like that of the side chick. I totally agree with you but why did the front chick didn't have it? What happened to her own. 

Let us go back to the memory lane;

1. Could you remember when you saw her(front chick) for the first time in life? 

2. Could you remember the sleepless night before she said yes? 

3. Could you remember the gift for her to say yes? 

4. Could you remember the joy whenever she spoke with you? 

6. Could you remember the joy of having her then? 

Now, what happened to all those experiences? Is it because she have produced child(ren) for you and those look disappeared. You think so? 

You may say that she is no longer taking care of herself and she now look old. My brother come home now let us reason together. She is taking care of your home and kid(s) you should take care of her likewise. Because of your kid(s) she didn't have time to take care of herself. So it's your responsibility to take care of her. 

Moreso, she look this way now because you that suppose to be her mirror have left your duty post. You are busy comparing her with someone that has never sat down to think how she can make her children and husband  happy. You are comparing her to a side chick that is living fine because of the financial contribution from different men. You are comparing her to the side chick that have men that fills her emotional tank. 

Your front chick is like this now because you stop looking at her. You stopped  calling her. You stopped asking how she is feeling. You stopped that romantic touch. You stopped sending recharge card. You stop buying this shawarma. You stopped filling her emotional tank, you stopped giving her undivided attention. She lack quality time and conversation. You have diverted all that to side chick and abandoned the front chick. Her emotional tank is totally empty 

If you can take a snap shot of those dress that the side chick puts on to get your attention, go to market buy it for her. Give her peace and emotional security you will see her look better than that side chick. 

Instead of taking the side chick out take the front chick out. Her outing shouldn't be only women meeting, church work or business. Flex her again, she is still that babe. That your highper killer, she is still that hottest girl in town. Get those meat, juice and what have you for her you will see her body coming back like before 

Make out time to assist her in her domestic work so that she can have time to rest. Let her have the muscling special touch from you again . 

For you, you may have said that side chick can't kill you or can't do this or that to you. I wish same to you but remember no one heap a charcoal of fire on his lap with his lap been burnt. That you are not a victim today is not a guarantee that such can't happen. The victims now can never believe that such could happened. But it is not my wish that it will happen but it's my desire that you didn't continue keeping the side chick anymore. Though she might not kill you but can you be sure of her health status? I guess no. Hope you no the implications to your own children and generation? 

My sister, the side chick, don't be offended but listen. How will you feel if you marry and  your husband decided to keep side chick? I guess sad. You no what goes around come around. You may need money yes I know but it shouldn't be by robbing someone's husband. Sister, babe work hard the money will come. Manage the little you have. Save your future. It comes back in different ways. Many that have had the trouble life as a result of this most of them can't come back and tell you the truth. Men can promise you anything or even give you anything to sleep with you. But after that, he won't regard you again. Your value drops as soon as he sleep with you. The whole regard will die. He will still be calling you but inside his mind you are gone. Do you know when you turn a speedy fan off, it won't stop immediately. But it takes time to stop. 

So be wise and be useful 

Honorable men, the bride of the father, don't turn this woman to widow or those children to fatherless because of the side chick. They still need you. The enjoyment with the side chick is temporal but the suffering is perpetual. Let maintain our fatherhood dignity by respecting our home, culture, creator and generation. 

I hope I have not made you angry. 

I so much love you and wish all the best for you. 

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20 ERRORS/MISTAKES THAT LADIES CALLED LOVE

There are some things ladies do, though some ladies know that is wrong but some don't know. Some think that it's love. Some are just doing it thinking of getting things working out by that. But most times it turns negative. 

1. Thinking that you will attract real men by exposing your nakedness. No real men eats covered food

2. Stay in abusive/toxic relationship hoping that he will change 

3. Thinking that you can change a man's bad character with your love

4. Thinking that sleeping with you means that he love you and will marry you.

5. Thinking that you are more beautiful wearing excessive make up, artificial breast, boom than natural self. What do you think that will happen the day he will see the real you. 

6. Thinking that introducing you to his parents, friends and relatives means that he is serious. 

7. Afraid to loose who is not afraid to loose you. 

8. Excessive jealous is because he love you. 

9. Giving you all you want means that he will marry you. 

10. Living with a man who has not paid your pride price or wedded you.

11. Wearing the engagement ring of a man who doesn't even know your home, seen your parents or received your parents consent.

12. Using your boyfriend's picture as your profile picture.

13. Giving your BRIDE PRIDE (virginity) to a man who has not paid your Bride Price.

14. Bathing naked with a guy that is not your husband.

15. Cooking  regularly and washing clothes for a man that is not your husband.

16. Public show of romance with a man that is not your husband.

17. Disobeying your parents for the sake of a man who your parents don't even know or have accepted.

18. Disobeying God because of a man.

19. Accepting to be the second, third wife maybe because of his wealth. 

20. Accepting him because of his wealth or background. 

Some girls would say, I know it's wrong to have sex with him, but I love him and don't want him to get another girl, don't you think that it makes you look so  cheap before him. Giving a man your precious body simply because he promised you marriage is burning your house because he promised you a visa. That he promised doesn't mean that he will. You sin against God and deny His promise because you want to please a man because his own promise. 

If he value you, he will marry you before keeping you in his house. You can't see anybody that will go to a car dealer carry the car he like, keep it in his house, driving it around the city without paying for it. Unless he the car he pick in dustbin or he stole. 

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WHY MANY RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGES FAIL

Most times we will be wondering why many marriages/relationships fails. Some could start well but all of a sudden it will become a history. The question here is why?

Most times people will look at it and concluded that it fails because of lack of money but in recent time now we have heard of marriage of the wealthy people that collapsed. We even also heard of men of God in different categories that lost their marriages. Not only that, we also heard of many learned people, professionals that have lost their marriage.

The questions here remains why?

Here we will discuss about one among the factors that makes marriages/relationships to fail. Then in subsequent post we will see more of it.

NOTE:  if you are among the people that believe that good marriage or relationship is by luck or destiny, this message is not for you

We will discuss one of the reasons in this segment. 

1. LACK OF PREPARATION: someone  may say, " I prepare very well for this marriage, I spent a lot of money, invited many dignitaries many people attended and were all satisfied"

So many may say, of course I have prepared. I read many articles about marriage and relationship. I attended many seminars. Listened to many tapes. 

That is a good report. But many people spend much time preparing for wedding that is just for one day without preparing for marriage that will last for the lifetime.

People will spend years prepare for or study for a particular course. Or spend much time receive training in a particular profession or hand work. But in marriage it be like, is not just normal life and all that. Remember it's not all normal life that you can live unless you receive knowledge about that life. 

As you are planning to go into this lifetime engagement or you are already in, The questions is what is your plan? What is your wish/desire about the marriage. 

Then, how are you implementing the plans? All those things your learned during seminars and from the tape and what have you how are you implementing it? 

You should have a lay down plans backed up with prayer and practice. 

Let us look at this passage in scripture LUKE 14:28-32(NLT) 

  "But don't begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first getting estimates and then checking to see if there is enough money to pay the bills?

 Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of funds. And then how everyone would laugh at you!

They would say, 'There's the person who started that building and ran out of money before it was finished!'

"Or what king would ever dream of going to war without first sitting down with his counselors and discussing whether his army of ten thousand is strong enough to defeat the twenty thousand soldiers who are marching against him?

 If he is not able, then while the enemy is still far away, he will send a delegation to discuss terms of peace.

You must sit and count the cost. What will it take to build it till the end. Many have started but they could not finish. In our society today, we have many people that live together as couple but they are lonely. Some have left the affairs of the home to either the woman (most) or the man. And that gave birth to the kind of terrible society we have today. 

God said in malachi 2:15(AMP) 

Mal.2.15 - Didn't the LORD make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard yourself; remain loyal to the wife of your youth.

Some parent have separated from the children emotionally. The impact of a parent can't be felt among the children anymore. And those children turn out to be a terror to the society today. 

God brought you together to raise a godly generation. That is to say in a home the influence of the fatherhood should be felt and that of the motherhood too. It's the combination of this effort that will give results to that God's expectation. 

CONCLUSION

Plan to work as union, have a plan for your children. Have a plan for all the home affairs. Have a plan to eradicate some of those characters that can jeopardize your union. Planing is the secret of success. 

Proper preparation prevents poor performance. The preparation must be accompanied with implementation. 

Finally plan together how to work together 

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WHAT TO LOOK AT WHEN YOU HAVE MANY SUITORS

As a lady, when many men begin to seek for your hand in marriage and coming to your father's house to look for flowers to pluck that they didn't plant, you should know that you are in your prime.

When you are in your prime, you're more beautiful, you will experience influx of men seeking to have you, you're body is more developed, attractive and enticing and you look more matured etc. Just like the Bible said that all things are beautiful in its time(Eccl.3:11).

Therefore, it's important you maximize this season of your life because it doesn't last forever. Once you pass your prime, men coming for your hand in marriage will reduce in number. They won't come as they used to hence the need to make good use of your prime. 

So, what do you do when you have many men coming for you almost at the same time? 

1. Don't Commit Anyone Of Them 

Don't tell Mr A that you will marry him and tell Mr B that you will marry him also, the same thing with Mr C. Don't do that. Tell them you will get back to them. Take your time and make the best choice. 

Accepting marriage proposals from different men is setting up yourself for disaster. Don't do that. If you're not sure of anyone, tell them you'll get back to them. 

2. Get Knowledge of Them 

These people that are coming for your hand in marriage, who are they? What do they stand for? What are their values, interests, beliefs, vision and ambition in life? What do they do for a living? Are they children of God? Which of them do you really love and which of them really loves you too? Get to know them individually. 

That's why dating is there. It helps you to know the sustainability of a potential life partner. Dating isn't for eating fried rice and chicken, licking ice cream, visiting the beach and the cinema etc., but a time to get to know someone. Until you have accepted a man's proposal, you're free to go out with anyone you dim fit. 

 3. Don't Be Moved By Sight 

We all like better things, no doubt. We all want a comfortable life including this man writing this. Nobody comes to the world to suffer but you know that not all that glitters are gold and money isn't everything.

Don't let the car keys they're dangling in your front to deceive you. He's rich, handsome, connected, tall, thick etc., shouldn't deceive you. Go for good qualities first. Check out the stuff they're made of. That car key maybe not be their own. 

 4. Don't Accept Gifts. 

The Bible said that the gift of a man makes a way for him, so men know how to use gifts to have their way with women. Also gifts have a way of blindfolding one from making a sound decision.

Don't allow the shoes, handbags, clothes, fried rice and chicken, vacations, movie tickets etc., to becloud your season of reasoning. Even if you want to collect gifts, make it clear to the person that the gifts won't influence your decision.

5. Pray About It

The Bible says, ask and you shall be given, seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened to you. Also, the Bible says that you shouldn't lean on your own understanding but in all your ways, acknowledge God and He will direct your steps(Matt 7:7; Prov 3:5). 

The secret things belongs to God and those things that are revealed belongs to His children. So, go to God in prayers and present the men coming for your hand in marriage and ask Him which one among them is best for you. If you're God's child, He'll direct you.(Deut 29:29)

After your prayers, go ahead and accept whoever you're led to. Don't ever make the choice of a life partner without involving God.

Conclusively, take your time and make the right decision. No competition in marriage. No award for who first marry. No award for best wedding. No award for the internet breaking marriage. No award for having 200 bridesmaids that you don't even know. Take your time.